break the frustrating relationship pattern, rewrite your story: join the Relating Academy
Decades of research, and multiple studies show that people with strong, healthy relationships live longer (sometimes up to 50% longer) than those who are isolated.
I spent decades and hundreds of thousands of dollars learning how to create healthy habits and create meaningful relationships. I share my journey to guide anyone who’s done trying alone and is ready for real freedom - freedom in habits and freedom within relationships.
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If you want to see how the 8-week Relating Academy applies to your unique story, book a call here:
https://go.oncehub.com/RelatingAcademy
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why do I keep repeating the same patterns, even though I ‘know better’?”
“How many times can I swear it’ll be different… and still break promises to myself?”
“Why do I keep disappointing myself?”
These questions plagued my mind, even though on the outside, my life looked like a highlight reel.
Here’s a haunting moment, burned into my memory like a hot iron on the deepest layers of my psyche…
I promised my boyfriend (at the time) I’d stop drinking. He was in Mexico, I was in Cape Town, and we were set to meet in Mauritius for a friend’s wedding. By the time he saw me, I was stumbling off the bus, obliterated after a boozy flight with the wedding party.
Charming.
A week later, he ended things.
That breakup set off nearly nine years of emotional and energetic infertility: staying single, unconsciously attracting unavailable men, and numbing a deep cosmic loneliness with unhealthy habits. I use the word ‘infertility’ because having a family was always one of my deepest desires, yet my choices in habits and relationships kept me far from stepping into that role.
For seven of those years, I lived in a state of being ‘sober curious,’ constantly wrestling with the exhausting cycle of promising myself, I’m not drinking today, and then breaking that promise.
I threw every solution I could find:
Books
Podcasts
Apps
Coaching programsEven the Sinclair method (yes, I tried taking an opioid blocker)
Nothing worked. Why?
Because the problem wasn’t drinking. Or overeating. Or binge-scrolling.
Those were symptoms.
The real problem?
My identity script.
The identity script functions like a subconscious operating system, silently influencing perceptions, decisions, and behaviors. Developmental psychology suggests that much of this script is established in early childhood, typically before the age of 7, when the brain predominantly operates in theta wave states.
My identity script was shame.
Shame → Numb → Shame… loop.
On the outside, it looked like:
Drinking
Overeating
Scrolling endlessly
Binge-watching series
Smoking
On the inside, it was this hidden script written in childhood:
“Hide the parts of you that are unlovable. Show illusions instead that make you lovable.”
Looking back, it’s not surprising that I turned to alcohol to numb my shame and the loneliness that followed. Loneliness is inevitable when we feel compelled to hide parts of ourselves from the world. I grew up in a Soviet household where the unspoken norm was to conceal anything ‘shameful’ and present only a polished version to others. As Dr. Gabor Maté, a parenting and trauma expert, explains, children often learn to abandon parts of themselves in order to secure their parents’ love and approval.
The Turning Point
Nothing shifted until…
The Pain-to-Pleasure Scale Flipped
If you take just one thing from reading this, let it be: all behavior is governed by the pain-to-pleasure scale. Whenever we feel stuck (in a habit, a pattern, a relationship), it’s this neural scale that keeps us there. Flip this scale, and life can change instantly. I’ve seen this not only in my own life, but also in coaching thousands of people over the past decade.
We assume we’re addicted to pleasure. We’re not.
We’re addicted to what’s familiar. From the brain’s perspective, the neural pathways wired through repetition feel safer (even if they lead to pain) than the uncertainty of creating new ones.
For me, the pain and shame of drinking and numbing eventually outweighed the safety of those familiar neural pathways. Each broken promise carved the discomfort deeper until change became unavoidable. But we don’t have to wait for rock bottom for the pain of a behavior to outweigh its pleasure. Many of my clients stop drinking after realizing it no longer serves them.
There’s pain and discomfort in being in a relationship. There’s also pain and discomfort in being single. When I was single for all that time, I didn’t realize I was subconsciously choosing the familiar pain of being single over the uncertainty of connection. Flipping that scale opened new possibilities.
Identity Script Rewired
Understanding where our patterns come from is one thing. Developing the real-time awareness to change them? That’s where real transformation happens. Only with real-time awareness can we make conscious decisions that phase out the default identity script that’s been running our lives.
My breakthrough moment came when I realized I was struggling to feel loved.
Intellectually, I knew love surrounded me. I knew people loved me. But I wasn't accessing that feeling. My identity script whispered that I was only lovable if I achieved enough, performed enough, earned it enough.
I committed to rewiring that script. When we fall in love with a person, we think the love comes from them. It doesn’t. They’re a catalyst for the love activated within us. We have the power to access that state of love anytime. Once I started accessing this feeling, my frequency shifted, aligning me with a new reality, one where I could shower another person with the love unlocked inside me.
Two weeks after this inner shift, I met an amazing man. The connection was instant. Two months later, we moved in together and have been co-creating a beautiful life ever since. The transformation was palpable.
My parents modeled conflict, so my identity script told me relationships equaled conflict. I feared recreating the relationships I saw growing up. To build the nourishing, safe, and exciting relationship I craved, I needed a new model, one rooted in radical transparency and intuitive connection.
My identity script shifted from shame to compassion. I learned to love, trust and respect myself by embodying healthy habits, and that changed everything.
The Invitation
After a decade of coaching entrepreneurs 1:1 and inside high-level programs, I created the 8-week Relating Academy program.
This isn’t just another coaching container.
It’s a pattern interrupt for your entire life.
It’s a paradigm shift.
This is for you, if you’ve
Scaled businesses but can’t scale your own joy
Mastered cashflow but not your relationship
Built companies but still feel that cosmic loneliness
Perhaps you’re single, like I was, and tired of the same old patterns.
Perhaps you’re in a marriage where you feel misunderstood, lonely, or lost.
Perhaps you’re estranged from family, longing to reconnect but feeling like it’s impossible.
Perhaps you’re trapped in tension or conflict with someone you love, or your business partner.
The Relating Academy goes straight to the roots:
Crack your Identity Script – discover why you’ve been treating yourself like a liar or failure and finally unlock self-trust, self-love, and self-respect.
Build Relating Intelligence – master the tools to repair, deepen, and transform every relationship in your life. All relationships are a mirror, and an opportunity for self-mastery. Learn to bring out the best in others, and to speak to the higher self in others, no matter who they are.
How do we do this?
At the Relating Academy, we live by two codes:
All relationships are a mirror. They reflect your inner world and offer valuable blind spot awareness and a path to self-mastery.
Do the hard thing now. We promise ourselves we’ll change tomorrow, but today is the easiest it will ever be. If we give in to old, frustrating patterns today, we reinforce those neural pathways. Tomorrow, making new decisions is harder.
Imagine this: You stop waiting for anyone or anything to change. You stop hiding behind your achievements. Instead, you wake up every morning knowing you’re living your most aligned, authentic life. You’re proud of yourself… not just in business, but in your habits, your relationships, your entire existence. You’re no longer in relationships where you feel like you need to translate your soul.
The Choice
At the end of the day, you’ll need to de-addict yourself from your habits and relationship patterns. The only question is when.
Now or an imaginary tomorrow?
Tomorrow is always harder. Today is the easiest it’ll ever be.
You can wait for the pain-to-pleasure scale to tip, or you can tip it and be in the driver’s seat of your habits and relationships.
Join the Relating Academy and build a life and relationships you don’t need to escape.
If this sounds like it could be for you, book a call to chat with me.
https://go.oncehub.com/RelatingAcademy
The Guarantee
What if coaching worked like Amazon?
Try it.
If it’s not for you, “return” it.
100% guaranteed.
No awkwardness. No guilt. No risk. No reason not to take the leap.
Joining the Relating Academy is a no-brainer.
Book a Private Call to make triple sure this is the right fit for you - https://go.oncehub.com/RelatingAcademy