5 Biggest Mistakes Smart Successful Women Make That Keep Them Single

Friends aren't honest with us.

Plus, they don't have the full picture.

Only you do.

And I do, from coaching for over a decade.

They won't tell you that you might be doing something that's keeping love away.

Not because you're broken.

Not because you're too much.

But because you're making at least one of these mistakes.

And nobody in your life will say it.

So I will.

Mistake #1: You're too self-aware

You know your attachment style.

You know your love language.

You know your father wound.

You can name every pattern, every trigger, every defence mechanism.

You've done the therapy. Read the books. Listened to the podcasts.

And you're still here.

Self-awareness without tools is just front row seats to your own suffering.

You're watching yourself repeat the same patterns.

In high definition.

It's painful.

Knowing why you do what you do is not the same as knowing how to do it differently.

I spent years collecting awareness and "aha moments" like trophies.

Awareness is the starting line.

Not the finish line.

Many smart women are stuck at awareness, convinced that if they just understand themselves a little more, something will shift.

It won't.

Not without skills.

Mistake #2: You're waiting to be chosen

Yes, perhaps you've heard the idea that you need to choose you.

But you also need to choose your man.

Just like in the olden days, where the woman dropped her handkerchief in front of a suitor she deemed suitable for her.

You're not dropping enough handkerchiefs.

Maybe none at all.

There are two parts to solving this mistake.

The first is learning to choose yourself by activating love from within. Expanding your heart's capacity to receive the love you're asking for.

The second is knowing how, in the feminine way, to signal to the man you've chosen that you're choosing him.

All the while, he thinks he's chosen you.

That's the trick.

That's the secret sauce.

Mistake #3: You think love is a numbers game

If I just put myself out there more.

If I just swipe more.

If I just go to more events.

No.

Love is not a numbers game.

Love is a frequency game.

You could go on 300 dates this year and attract the same person in a different form hundreds of times.

The pattern isn't in the dating pool.

The pattern is in you.

Your nervous system has a filter. It decides who you notice, who you're attracted to, and who you dismiss before they even finish their first sentence.

If that filter is set to emotionally unavailable, you'll find emotionally unavailable everywhere.

Just like when you decide to buy a red car, you start to see red cars everywhere.

Going on more dates with the same filter is like turning up the volume on a broken radio.

You don't need more options.

You need to change the frequency.

And you need the skill of activating the love in your heart first.

Mistake #4: You've built a life you're too comfortable in

This one stings.

You love your life too much.

It reminds me of a client who was so comfortable in her cocoon, she couldn't even fathom letting a man in.

Until she activated her self-love on another level by improving her drinking, eating, and movement habits.

And learned to flirt with herself.

Men started showing up. Like magic.

Here's the deal.

Any new relationship will come with discomfort.

It's new. Of course, there will be moments that are uncomfortable.

Especially the vulnerable ones.

It will ask you to make space.

It will ask you to give some things up.

Another client said to me right out the gate: "I'm open to a relationship and would love one… as long as he fits into my life."

I had to break it to her.

Her rigidity, which was her blind spot, was the very thing keeping her single.

Comfort is the most dangerous place to get stuck.

Because it doesn't look like a problem.

It looks like success.

But your nervous system is choosing familiar comfort over unfamiliar intimacy.

The women who find love are the ones who got honest about the fact that something was missing.

Even though admitting it felt like failing.

Mistake #5: You haven't learned the skill set of meeting the man you admire

Yes. It's a skill set.

Love is not luck.

Love is not timing.

Love is not "when you know, you know."

Love is not "it'll happen when you stop looking."

In fact, I was very much actively on the market when I met my man.

Love is three skills that nobody taught you.

Not your parents. Not school. 

Love wasn't modelled to me.

Perhaps healthy relationships weren't modelled to you either.

I had a master's degree in achievement and a kindergarten education in intimacy.

It took me years of coaching and decades of lessons to figure out exactly 3 skills that led me to meeting my dream partner.

I call it Relating Intelligence™.

I created a free training that walks you through the exact steps.

I invite you to watch it now while it's fresh.

If you don't learn at least one thing you didn't know before, I'll owe you a coffee.

Oodles of love,

Anna